3 ways your relationship is being affected by your trauma.

1.You cannot be fully honest with your partner with the trauma.

Being honest with your partner requires you to be honest with everyone else. If not you will find yourself lying at times for no apparent reason other then that specific trauma is preventing you from confessing to them. Shame prevents us from expressing our trauma or worries with our partner. We may be vulnerable enough to tell them foundation of the trauma but nothing more then that. An example would be porn. If porn addiction is confessed to your partner, you and your partner will only be able to address the symptoms because the real trauma would be lack of self love or lack of motherly and fatherly love. Most people would not hide away from the true pain because that is what trauma is. A very stressful or frightening experiences that effect us in adulthood.

2.Trauma can make you see irrational actions as normal.

Irrational actions be normalized by the trauma survivor in order for the survivor to well survive. An example would be suppressing your emotions when your partner is judging you. This stems from your childhood when your mother or father may have been critical and authoritarian of the way you dress, look or act. Therefore you will not express how you may like the outfit or try to justify it, instead you will agree with whatever they are suggesting in order to please them without conflict. People with authoritarian or critical parents tend have low self esteem and will be overly passive in relationships. Say you want your partner to set boundaries for the relationship. She or he would have no idea how to do because they have never been able to before.

3.Trauma can make the relationship one sided.

Trauma can stem from various things but in most cases it lowers your self esteem. When children have low self esteem they tend to have less boundaries and more people pleasing traits. Example would be your partner never initiates intimacy but always allows intimacy whenever you would want it. This comes from a lack of being in charge while in childhood in an authoritarian household. Where children are often seen but not heard. Your partner can make it seem like he is doing all the work while you are basically just a follower.

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