Look at 3 ways to see where your porn foundation truly came from.
- Lack of love in childhood.
Most people think porn addiction starts from pleasure seeking alone when in fact it can and most likely does satisfy other needs that were not met in childhood. These needs can stem from lack of love from the mother to lack of confidence from your father. The Adult uses pornography to make up the of love they did not received as a child. An example would be John, a blue collar father and Mary, A work from home mom, who they soon had 3 kids. John and Mary's relationship seemed to have cured John's porn addiction when they first met. But as soon as their relationship started to dwindle and began having problems, John's subconcoius decided that they needed to get the love they needed from somewhere else. So the Johns mind weighed every option available. He could cheat and make up the love there, but most likely ruin his relationship with his wife and kids. He could try to ask for open relationship which might also ruin his relationship. He could go back to porn. He could go to a couples therapy and reveal his porn addiction there. John weighs all these option and ultimately goes to watch porn because he cannot afford a couples therapist in this day of age. John soon gets his relief and becomes readdicted to porn. This only damages his relationship with his wife even further and ends he ends up divorced with custody of the kids 2 times a week. The story doesn't end there. John decides going to a therapist and finds out what the issue was all along. It was his lack of loving mother in his childhood. When asked "do you remember hugs or the words I love you as a child from your mother and father?" John said well I'm not sure but maybe they're were some instances. The realization of from John was "Why cant I remember them saying I love you or them being physically affectionate?" The therapist replies "The childhood mind tends to block out negative things. If you cant remember its because you were using some cope such as porn to make up for it. Thats why your unsure." John starts shedding tears. "What do I do doctor?" The therapist shows John some practices of self love and he soon realizes after some time it was a lack of love from his mother and abuse in childhood.
- Mother and father issues
Mother and father issues are vague and hard to pin point towards any addiction. It most likely is the foundation to porn. Having mother or father issues especially when they are the opposite sex of yourself makes porn temporally cure that. Now a partner can temporally cure mother or father issues as well and that can lead to no longer interest in porn but as soon as the relationship ends or starts having problems you will start going back to porn as a coping mechanism like you did before to first cure the mother or father issue. The porn and all the other issues can only be solved by forgiving or finding mercy on your mother or father. Example would be me when I asked my mother how was her childhood. She had told me she had gotten raped at the age of 12 and constantly ignored or berated by her family members. This explains why she was so abusive to me as a child and I had found mercy on her. Another way is by being vulnerable to her. Asking her to take time to talk to you so you can tell her your trauma. Trauma includes porn addiction and that's what I started off with. When I had told her she reassured me anytime I felt like watching porn again I could come to talk to her. That was all that I needed to fix the mother issue. Mercy and reliance on my mother. In conclusion find the history about your mother or father so you can have mercy on them and be able to forgive and also confess your trauma to them so you can authentic and not hide anything anymore and even heal your mother issues.
- Loneliness
Loneliness in romantical relationships can make a craving for porn since it again temporally fixes the problem. Lonely people tend to look down upon themselves and often self sabotage to make themselves feel in control. This comes from everyone else in their lives going or leaving them as a child. They expect everyone to leave them so they get ready for it or start sabotaging. Their has to be an outlet so they normally use porn. Porn makes them feel in control and comfortable in their own world they retreat too. If porn is unsuccessful in solving their problem they often start cutting themselves. People cut themselves because their primary sensory nerve afferents are so sensitized from trauma that the body reacts differently when in pain. The body sends out a slight feeling like heroin into itself and the user once he or she cut themselves feel alive or almost a high feeling. Instead of pain they would feel alive and well. This causes the user to repeat the behavior every time they are getting overwhelmed from their negative emotions. That is if porn does not temporally cure the loneliness. Even with Accessibility to porn. The loneliness will only get worse until it stagnates leaving you in a sense of abandonment. The only way to heal from loneliness is to apply the atomic habits rule which I will be going over the next article.